epiphany II

its just a job.

invisible | skylar grey

i take these pills to make me thin
i dye my hair, and cut my skin
i tried everything, to make them see me
but all they see, is someone that's not me

even when i'm walking on a wire
even when i set myself on fire
why do i always feel invisible, invisible
everyday i try to look my best
even though inside i'm such a mess
why do i always feel invisible, invisible

here inside, my quiet heart
you cannot hear, my cries for help
i tried everything, to make them see me
but every one, see's what i can't be

sit! roll over! play dead! good dog!

mostdays i feel fine. somedays i feel as though i'm zipping down mont ventoux. on raredays i feel as though i've just won the french open. nowadays, i just feel like giving up.

its amazing how effective the pixelated camouflage is. put it on and tah-dah - one can be almost transparent, even in an urban terrain such as an office!

honestly, i'm quite tired and sickened by all these in/out-groups. i'd rather you be very honest with me and tell it to my face that you do not want to work with me, rather than give me those very condescending comments from time to time; i know very well my own capabilities, thank you very much.

and yes, "thanks" too, for saving the day once again, 'cos no one can do it quite like the way you can!

epiphany I

being singaporean means that we are all free to make the same choice.

PR, PR, where art thou?

excluding the 2 weeks break, renovation has been proceeding along pretty smoothly so far.

in terms of what has been the minor stumbles, i guess its been the case of the unknown unknowns. basically me and the girl are total noobs are home makeover: we do not even know what we do not know, and having an ID who is more than happy to accommodate my sometimes over-imposing requests, means that we frequently run into cost overruns, which obviously is a serious problem, and we find ourselves having to also frequently temper our wants and look more into our needs.

case in point, we were out shopping for sanitary wares last week and we had to go shopping twice, just because we didn't know that there were toiletbowl+sink packages in the first place! needless to say, we went for individual items that caught our eyes (and butt feel), and that translated to a rather hefty bill the first time. luckily, sense prevailed, and we went for the cheaper but packaged route after we were briefed on the economics of homeware shopping.

luckily too, that i am quite familiar with the project management process (occupational hazard), and i was able to manage my ID quite well thus far. by the way, if you want to know, projet pothaus is already CO-ed now. however, i have yet to get my LSMP nor PMP endorsed. luckily there's no need for a Logs Annex cos projet pothaus is less than S$15M in cost. =P

anyway, what i realised so far is that there are very little singaporeans in the entire ID/ renovation industry. let see my experience thus far:

ID: malaysian
ID husband: malaysian
construction workers: bangladeshi/ chinese
electrician: malaysian
electrical workers: chinese/ malay (not sure singaporean or malaysian malay)
laminate flooring salesperson: singaporean
cement screeder: chinese
window contractor: malaysian
sanitary wares salesperson: malaysian
blinds contractor: malaysian

not sure if this is representative of the entire industry, but what happened to our FT/FW to citizen/PR quotas? point to ponder: in our zeal to rapidly modernise and grow our labour force, have we applied the same stringent standards to the outsiders as we have to our own people?

[disclaimer: this is just a point for ponder; the people whom i've dealt with so far are as good as they can be, to the point that i am afraid that singaporeans can no longer compete with them. but is that reason enough for us to stop developing our indigenous workforce, or is that just taking the easy way out?]

the day that time stood still

recently, i've been passing by silat estate a lot more frequently as it is a shortcut between my parents' place and the pothaus.

sila--wat? you may ask: its a quiet and quaint 4-storey kampong just opposite the old KTM station in tanjong pagar. i suspect just like its taller brothers just opposite kampong bahru road, it used to house the KTM railway workers.

i used to have a primary school friend who stayed here, and on occasion we would come to his house to play sega games. he was quite a rich kid (although i never found out why he stayed in such a relatively run-down estate), and i remember sitting on a swing chair in the flat's rather large balcony. in primary 6, this was the same place where we would spend afternoons listening to boyband songs, and later on go on to practice and win at our primary school's talentime competition (if you must know, we sang i can love you like that by all-4-one). eventually we lost contact after we went on to separate secondary schools.

so i've been walking by this shortcut for the past few month since renovations for the pothaus started. and i observed more and more rubbish being collected at the rubbish dump (the red-brick building in the photo). huge pieces of furniture, tvs, discarded clothing, what-have-you, were slowly but surely piling up. then i realised that the occupants of silat estate were being relocated - probably to the newer hdb flats that had TOPed recently at kim tian.

last saturday, i passed by silat estate again after a 2 week absence, and i could tell that most people had already vacated their premises. judging by the mountain of sofas stacked up by the refuse collection centre, i guess that the cleaners had also given up on maintaining the estate - just waiting for the dump trucks and construction vehicles to flatten and clean out the entire place.

then i saw it - one singular household that still had its clothing hung out to dry; just like any other day, as though it had not one care in the world.

of course, i am sure that in the next few weeks when i pass by again, the occupants would have moved out already, but i just can't help but feel that one part of my childhood is already gone.

party in the USA

so other than south america and antarctica, i have now been to the other 5 continents.

recently, i had the chance to go to the states for a conference, so i took the opportunity to explore the west coast since my conference was in california. to be exact, i visited LV, the grand canyon, SF and LA (in that order).

frankly, other than some attractions like the aforementioned grand canyon and perhaps hollywood and alcatraz, i didn't find the US too interesting. perhaps i am not your regular tourist, having been to arguably more interesting places like the sahara, mongolia and north korea, but i guess the US has no novelty for me as a singaporean.

if i wanted to shop - i would have gone to orchard.
if i wanted to eat burgers - i would have gone to any local shopping mall.
if i wanted to experience american culture - i would have just watched family guy or the simpsons.

compared to europe, american culture is relatively young and probably not as interesting. true that they have some great people and great monuments/ parks/ buildings, but they just don't cut it for me. call me unappreciative, but that's what living 26 years in a congested-urban and west-idolising environment does to you.

oh well, the only consolation is that now i've been-there-done-that. any suggestion on what next to better satisfy my wanderlust? =)