forty-love

in a tennis game, most players aspire to be up 40-0, as that would mean that they would have 3 game points; a most commanding lead indeed. in the same vein, you might have heard commentators say that "the game/match was so one-sided" when one has won by such a large margin.

however on the flipside, it might also mean that the other player is unable to respond in the desired actions. of course a game is only interesting when both players are of the same level; if one constantly serves out forty-love games, i am sure they will not be playing together for long!

in other matters, 40-0 might just mean that your opponent might just be uninterested in the game altogether.

i am currently at forty-love now. should i go in for the kill, or should i wait for my opponent to retaliate?

unwelcome visitor

went to meet up with an overseas relative who dropped by Singapore for a visit yesterday.

i knew it was going to be an ill-fated rendezvous the moment he pointed to my t-shirt and asked, "how can someone as intelligent as you believe in that?" For those familiar with the TBB tees, i was wearing the one with the parody of the evolution of Man, with an ape morphing into a cyclist in aero position, along with the caption "Survival of the Fittest".

unfortunately for him he picked the wrong guy to comment on, and it didn't take long for a healthy "debate" to break out between us.

amongst his more ludicrous arguments for intelligent design was that evolution could not be proven and verified, therefore it was just a hypothesis. besides, look at the wonderful world around us - it could only have been the work of an omnipotent creator!

what about the fantastic work of fiction that is the bible, i retorted, its veracity cannot be confirmed as well!

oh no, the bible is the absolute truth! the deep sea scrolls prove its existence, and besides, there has been evidence to prove that there was most indeed a great flood (think grand canyon)! anyway, he added, the other world religions were just offshoots of christianity (somehow he tried to link the holy trinity to the 福禄寿 trio of chinese deities). so, given the huge amount of irrefutable evidence, it is impossible not to believe in god.

so argh.

i wonder what kind of indoctrination he receives each week at church, then i imagine how that damage is multiplied across the congregation, multiplied by the number of churches in london, then multiplied by the number of churches worldwide; repeat same exercise for the total number of religions in the world and their adherents.

then i wonder why the world is so screwed up. indeed religion poisons everything.

i think this is one relative i will not be seeing any more any time soon.

the plan

in the beginning was the Plan.

and then came the Assumptions.

and the Assumptions were without form.

and darkness was upon the face of the Workers.

and they spoke among themselves, saying, "it is a pile of shit, and it stinketh."

and the workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "it is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odour thereof."

and the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, "it is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."

and the Managers went unto their Directors, saying, "it is a vessel of fertiliser, and none may abide its strength."

and the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another, "it contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."

and the Directors then went onto the Vice Presidents, saying unto them, "it promotes growth and is very powerful."

and the Vice Presidents went unto the President, saying unto him, "this new plan will actively promote the growth and vigour of the company; with powerful effects."

and the President looked upon the Plan, and saw that it was good.

and the Plan became Policy.

and this is How Shit Happens.

- somehow i feel that this was how some new career scheme was derived. some hare-brained idea which probably is only good for the organisation and top brass, but shit for the rest of us folks on the ground. =(

ambition

its good to have goals in your life. believe it or not, i never had much ambition when i was a kid. astronaut, doctor, captain planet, whatever-have-you; i never thought much about what i wanted to be when i grew up.

then, i just concentrated on being a kid. i didn't see the need to fuss about the future. afterall, the future would sort itself out when it came by right?

now i realise, the world is not so kind after all. what we become is not a game of fate and chance, although i do admit at times luck does play a huge part. anyway after all these years i guess its time to give some thought to my aspirations. hmm..

leather purse anyone?

sentimental valium

happy belated national day! been a great long weekend sleeping, drinking, tennising, shopping, movieing and catching up with friends. nepal seems like such a long time ago and its been some time since i had so much time on my hands to fill!

but luckily i've got great friends to hang out/crap/drink beer/shop with, so thanks to them the three-day weekend just flew by at the blink of an eye.

i've been reading a lot too these days. murakami seems to be the goût du jour for me now, but just the other day at the library i came across this book, The Bastard on the Couch, and a particular paragraph so accurately captures the stream of consciousness my head works most of the time and so many of things I've thought/journalled/said to friends.

enjoy:
"There were also those mornings, especially holidays and weekends and times between assignments, when I had no plans, when my buddies were out of town or with their wives or girlfriends, when I wondered if I would die alone, when I wished there was someone next to me, someone sweet and loving and warm and funny and sexy, someone who, even if she might curtail my sports-page reading and sleeping late and e-mail checking, might let me hold her, might hold me, might ask me to help her work the crossword puzzle, might murmur with affection as I worried aloud about a vexing work project, who might bear my children, grow misty-eyed at how I would teach the little rascals to be strong and to shoot baskets and how to be helpful and sensitive to others' feelings while remaining true to their own convictions, who would indulge my sneaking them sweets between meals and telling them scary stories at bedtime, who might agree–exuberantly–to be my partner while we moved through the world, shoulder to shoulder, fingers interlocked, someone who would stroll underneath aged oak trees with me as we turned white and wrinkled, leaning on each other, someone whose fears I might help recognize as puny phantoms compared to our enduring and transcendent bond, someone who might liberate me from the crushing burden of myself."

my favourite overly long sentence of all time, i think.

that sentence welled up something inside me when i read it. instead of bringing about a big sigh and make me feel (more) sorry for myself, it produced this incredible happiness for all the couples out there. maybe not the idyllic and naive everything-will-be-perfect vision those of us on the unrealized side of marriage and relationships have - but the companionship and deep peace they find from that other person. and that is what i have been looking for: the unspoken easy comfort on a sleep-in sunday morning with coffee on the roast and her in my arms.

but domestic life for me is difficult because i believe in living my own life, and living one’s dreams is difficult because it usually is a lone undertaking. there is no such thing as shared dreams; they are personal creatures. and while my peers are settling down and buying HDB flats, I continue to drift and search on for myself; i plod on the path alone. yet I do not feel despair. trite as it may sound, i recognize that life is about the journey, and not the destination.

there you have it. damn emo. but what were you expecting at 0037 in the morning, and from a title like sentimental valium?

heart of the matter

i got the call today, i didn't wanna hear
But i knew that it would come
an old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
she said you found someone
and i thought of all the bad luck,
and the struggles we went through
and how i lost me and you lost you
what are these voices outside love's open door
make us throw off our contentment
and beg for something more?

i'm learning to live without you now
but i miss you sometimes
the more i know, the less i understand
all the things i thought i knew, i'm learning again
i've been tryin' to get down to the heart of the matter
but my will gets weak
and my thoughts seem to scatter
but i think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
even if, even if you don't love me anymore

these times are so uncertain
there's a yearning undefined
people filled with rage
we all need a little tenderness
how can love survive in such a graceless age
the trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
they're the very things we kill, i guess
pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
and the work i put between us,
doesn't keep me warm

i'm learning to live without you now
but i miss you, Baby
the more i know, the less i understand
all the things i thought i figured out, i have to learn again
i've been tryin' to get down to the heart of the matter
but everything changes
and my friends seem to scatter
but i think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
even if, even if you don't love me anymore

there are people in your life who've come and gone
they let you down and hurt your pride
better put it all behind you; life goes on
you keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you inside

i've been tryin' to get down to the heart of the matter
but my will gets weak
and my thoughts seem to scatter
but i think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
even if, even if you don't love me anymore

to swoosh with love

how can you not love the folks at the swoosh, when they lavish upon you all these goodies:and with more goodies to come next week?

hmm trust nike to come up with the outrageously funky colours! seriously with the new threads i feel more like a whore than a runner. anyway now i'm looking forward to tuesday when i can finally unleash my inner sluttiness at ecp! =D