mardi, décembre 30, 2008

bientôt diplômé

Never thought that I will be filing for graduation so soon already; it felt really strange clicking on the hyperlink and knowing that I will soon be certified as an engineer. Saw that same button for the past 5 semesters and finally, strangely, oddly, weirdly now I am qualified enough to be accepted by the CORS system.

Like WTH what happened to all the studying I was supposed to be doing, 66.6% more the fun I was supposed to be having, twice more of the girls I was supposed to be meeting, the many more friends I was supposed to be making, all the bad jokes I was supposed to be cracking, and the infinitely many more parties I was supposed to be going to; its like everything just flashed by without warning. Or rather, I was afflicted by the disease known as college coma, where I guess I just went into a deep sleep for the past 3.5 years, occasionally waking up now and then for examinations.

Well, at least I enjoyed the ride: the French classes, falling asleep in LT7, arts faculty (for the girls), yong tau foo at the deck, the free tennis courts, pulling all-nighters during mugging week, discounted subway subs, crapping with friends at the various study benches, filming sketches for MNO1001 and HRM2002 in school, and many many more indelible memories. =)

vendredi, décembre 26, 2008

back to reality

How come nothing like this happened when I was in Hokkaido? Would have been interested to get snowed in at least once in my life. It would have been fun to just chill out at Jin's place with a full liquor bar and all. =P

And anyway no mood no time no energy to do a travelogue for the moment. Got reports orals tennis cycling friends family bidding planning to do to play to meet to plan. I might eventually get down to writing something, but the photos are here here and here if you wanna gawk at some Japanese girls first.

And speaking about parties, its been soirée overdose lately; I might need to go for dialysis soon with all that alcohol sloshing in my stomach and coursing through my veins. But its all good. And fun. A good way to end 2008. =)

mardi, décembre 16, 2008

japanese jottings 5

27. Knowledge of hiragana and katagana is useful and can be critically so when you just wake up in a train not knowing whether if you've missed your stop.

28. There must be no muslims in Japan as I have yet to see a halal restaurant here. Either that, or they all eat at home.

29. There is the sentoo, the onsen, and there is the gotenburo.

30. 7/11 is not open 24hours here; it is open ahem.. only from 7am to 11pm. The 24hour store here is Seiyu.

31. What is this inexplicable obsession with surgical face masks?

lundi, décembre 15, 2008

curious couplings

Created in '96 as a response to the apparent overconfidence and arrogance of gaijin English teachers in Japan, Charisma Man pokes fun at the superficiality of the Western male psyche in Asia. Similarly, this theme of ang moh vs local can increasingly be felt by many in asian societies today.

However I wonder if Western Woman would fancy Asian Takeout though.

japan jottings 4

20. Japanese women can stand the cold very well; I still see short skirts and exposed thighs in the Japanese winter hinterland known as Sapporo (highest temp. today: 0 degC)

21. It is impossible to spot a Japanese woman without make up on.

22. Japanese TV is absolutely boring.

23. You can buy almost anything from a vending machine.

24. Like in Singapore, people will patiently wait for a traffic light to turn green before crossing a deserted one lane street.

25. Roads are consistently F1-quality smooth.

26. The level of politeness here is astounding; Singapore and France can learn a bit from the Japanese service staff here.

vendredi, décembre 12, 2008

japan jottings 3

16. Most men are uncircumcised here (observed at various onsens).

17. A warm toilet seat is better than sex on a cold winter morning (buildings in Japan rarely have central heating).

18. The louder you slurp your ramen, the tastier it'll be.

19. Pachinko parlours are deafening.

jeudi, décembre 11, 2008

haiku royale

nihon vacation
from kyoto to sapporo
perhaps need more dough?

limited express,
local trains, and skinkansen
good use of JR pass

i eat sashimi,
nabe, and yakitori
forget to feed letch

i am damn sad lor
after midnight in beppu
writing nonsense haiku

mercredi, décembre 10, 2008

japan jottings 2

9. Contrary to my belief, there are girls who look like AV stars, and there are girls who do not; not everyone is cut out for the job as I had thought from those "amateur" AV productions.

10. You board the bus from the rear and alight from the front here.

11. All train stations have their own unique bento boxes.

12. Shinkansen seats are all front facing (wrt to direction of movement); no rear facing seats here.

13. Starbucks sells matcha latte.

14. I finally saw a pregnant woman today after a week here.

15. Almost everybody sleeps on the metro here, but then again the same can be said for Singapore.

vendredi, décembre 05, 2008

japan jottings

1. Tokyo is huge. Like reeeally huge. Like this massive urban sprawl where you can take the skinkansen for 45mins and still be in the city.

2. Those who say that the Paris metro is mad should come to Tokyo.

3. I wonder how the Japanese schoolgirls keep warm in those shorty short skirts.

4. Japanese society is very homogeneous. So far I have not seen many gaijin around, and even those who are here speak perfect Japanese!

5. Saw very few babies in Japan too. Or at least in Tokyo. Conversely I always see hordes of elderly folk pottering about. I worry for the future of Japan.

6. At a restaurant where both Japanese and Western dishes are available, the local dishes will always be more expensive. Gaijin food is apparently considered junk.

7. Eating and drinking on the move is considered rude here and will always not fail to attract some stares.

8. Japanese TV here has a dog hosting a cooking show on how to make popular Japanese dishes. Damn japs.

lundi, décembre 01, 2008

le retour de "casse toi pauvre con"

Haha.. Trop rigolo; comme d'hab je lisais des nouvelles en ligne et j'ai lu cet article qui a attiré mon attention.

Quels cons, ces françaises.. Quel imagination, quelles couilles!!! Haha.. Et en plus la justice a décidé que Sarko ne peut pas arrêter la sortie et la vente de sa poupée vaudou, en disant que "On est dans le cadre de la satire et de la caricature". Youpiii.. enfin des gens avec des bonne têtes et des belles logiques. =P

À l'autre côté, on vois aussi un cas similaire à Singapour, où le WSJ a été poursuivi pas les Leeders encore pour un attaque supposé sur les images des deux bonshommes-leaders de Singapour. J'étais tellement scandalisé par la justice Singapourienne quand il a passé sa jugement, et celui-ci a renforcé mon avis que les deux (le gouv et la justice) sont inévitablement très liés ici. Triste, non? =( On a encore des progrès à faire, malgré notre réputation comme "développé".

Fah.. j'aimerais avoir cet plush!!! Est-ce qu'il y a qqn qui a assez sympa à l'acheter un pour moi??? =D

dimanche, novembre 30, 2008

about jeremy

All shrimp are born as jeremy, but gradually mature into females.
Humans share about fifty percent of their DNA with jeremy!
An average beaver can cut down jeremy every year!
Jeremy is actually a mammal, not a fish.
The patron saint of jeremy is Saint Eugenie!
There are roughly 10,000 man-made objects the size of jeremy orbiting the Earth.
The condom - originally made from jeremy - was invented in the early 1500s!
Humans have 46 chromosomes, peas have 14, and jeremy has 7.
It takes 8 minutes for light to travel from the Sun's surface to jeremy!
Bees visit over three million flowers to make a single kilogram of jeremy.

thanks to the mechanical contrivium for the enlightenment, never knew jeremy was so interesting.

lundi, novembre 24, 2008

impressionné

Sometimes, its not that difficult to fall in love with you again. Its ok, you don't have to be able to grunt as well as Sharapova, be amidextrous, wrestle with a bear, like beer, graduate magna cum laude, run a 9:14 2.4km or even need to speak French.

You just have to be you, and that's enough for me. =]

dimanche, novembre 23, 2008

important life lessons #1884

The more you cannot train, the better the weather will be.

@*#!

mercredi, novembre 19, 2008

chez elle

quand j'allais chez elle

j'avais pas compris, ce qui se passait dans ma tête, j'avais pas compris

quand j'allais chez elle

Céline attend, attendait, attendue. la nuit docile glisse dans son iris; j'étais fou. de cet humidité, qui m'agite et me trouble. j'étais fou

de cette pluie

quand j'allais chez elle, j'ai pris des escaliers, j'ai pris des ascenseurs.

mais où était ma raison?
mais où était la sonnerie?
mais où était sa sœur?

lundi, novembre 17, 2008

we just don't care

Mundane surroundings really can be quite nice sometimes, if you look hard enough.

After a night-time torrential downpour, Bukit Timah looks like its part of the Alps already. And I feel as though as I'm finally home.

And oh, I just love how this seems so carefree.. I'm really in a come what may mood now; must be due to the examination season.

Let’s go to the park
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars
Maybe we’ll go too far
We just don’t care
We just don’t care
We just don’t care

You know I love it when you’re loving me
But sometimes it’s better when it’s publicly
I’m not ashamed, I don’t care who sees
us hugging and kissing, a love exibition, oh

We’ll rendezvous out on the fire escape
I’d like to set off an alarm today
A love emergency don’t make me wait
Just follow, I’ll lead you
I urgently need you

Let’s go to the park
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars
Maybe we’ll go too far
We just don’t care
We just don’t care
We just don’t care

Let’s make love,
let’s go somewhere they might discover us
Let’s get lost in lust
We just don’t care
We just don’t care
We just don’t care

I see you’re closing down the restaurant
Let’s sneak and do it when your boss is gone
Everybody’s leaving, we’ll have some fun
Oh, maybe it’s wrong, but you’re turnin’ me on
Oh, we’ll take a visit to your mama’s house
Creep to the bedroom while your mama’s out
Maybe she’ll hear it when we scream and shout,
but we’ll keep it rockin’ until she comes knockin’

If we keep up all this foolin’ around
We’ll be the talk of the town
I’ll tell the world of our love any time
Let’s open the blinds
‘Cause we really don’t mind

Oh, I don’t care about propriety
Let’s break the rules, ignore society
Maybe our neighbors like to spy, it’s true
So what if they watch when we do what we do

Let’s go to the park
I wanna kiss you underneath the stars
Maybe we’ll go too far
We just don’t care
We just don’t care
We just don’t..

truth is like chocolate:

a little bit is pleasurable, but too much will kill you.

vendredi, novembre 14, 2008

w eek end

Yaay le weekend déjà!!! =)

Mais.. il signifie que les examens arrivent bientôt aussi. Bleah Je ne les aime pas. Pas du tout. Je sais pas pourquoi, mais je n'ai jamais vraiment réussi dans n'importe quel contrôle. =(

En rétrospective, je pense que je n'ai jamais aussi tenter mon mieux: le sens des examens sont toujours perdu sur moi. Pour moi, c'est la performance réelle qui est plus important, mais bon j'accepte qu'il faut avoir un moyen de distinguer les bons et les moins-bons.

Bon ça explique aussi ce stress qui augment doucement mais surement pour moi. Comment rester positive avec un FYP indéfinissable, 3 contrôles, 2 projets et 1 essai à compléter en 3 jours?

Dans ce cas-là, je crois que c'est pas la peine de continuer avec ce blog ou de jouer le tennis demain. Après tout, c'est le weekend n'est pas?

mercredi, novembre 12, 2008

tools of the trade

cervélo p2c

babolat aeropro drive

pearl izumi surge

hoegaarden white

a winsome smile.. =)

Next up: salsa classes!!! Who's up to join me for dance classes?

mardi, novembre 11, 2008

FTA?

damn forget about shopping for winter stuff here in Singapore. its damn expensive.

went to shop for some winter stuff today, went into Celio and saw this same ol' scarf which they sold in France for €20, but retailing for SGD59 here!!!

it can't be that we have to pay for extra shipping charges since I'm pretty sure that the above-mentioned item was made in China; and China-Singapore is definitely a lot closer and cheaper par rapport à China-France. maybe winter shopping is considered a novelty here in tropical Singapore so it warrants a higher price. whatever it is, i'm leaving my winter shopping to Nihon-land.

in other news, i have perfect eyesight now. 6/6 after 2 months of convalescence. yaay.

vendredi, novembre 07, 2008

week 13

So its already the penultimate week of the first semester. Amazing how time flies.

Had quite a terrible week in school, with tests, presentations and whatnot. I'm happy its all over, but I'm not looking forward to the exams though.

Grah.

Went down to the wind tunnel today to tie up some loose ends before I hand it to the DSO peeps. Dang that stupid place has given me so many backaches and sleepless nights but well now it feels like somebody's taking away a part of me. Is it possible to feel jealous over a machine?

Injured my wrist during tennis so guess I'll be lifting more weights in the meantime.

And I've been thinking of doing a revamp of the site. Maybe after the exams. Feel like doing something.. erm something more professional or what. And writing more substantial stuff. Haha. Anybody knows of any nice blogger templates, or how I can port my past blogspot entries over to other servers?

lundi, novembre 03, 2008

100 mots

J'ai tellement peur de te perdre. Tu ne sais pas, et de toute façon ce n'est pas possible que tu saches.

De la première vue, le premier email, le premier salut, je suis déjà fou de toi.

J'ai imaginé un futur proche de nous, baladons au bord de la rive gauche, allons au ciné. Tu me racontes de ta vie à Paris, et moi, je caresse tes cheveux bruns en sentant le battement de nos cœurs.

Mais c'est quoi ce chagrin inconsolable de moi? La distance géologique? Ou le silence psychologique.

Et puis tick tock tick tock tick tock tick.

contrast

when the skies are dark,
the stars shine brighter.

gotta hang in there.. gah.

jeudi, octobre 30, 2008

boo!

happy haunting halloween to you!

mercredi, octobre 29, 2008

100 words

I want a child who will wrap his small arms halfway around my waist, rest his chin on my rib and question me about the world. His mother will silence me with a touch and continue feeding him white lies and mashed carrots.

I will let him ride on my shoulders so that he can see further, see what I couldn't. He will be my crown, I will be his elephant. My wife will be a princess waiting for rescue. He might even forbid her from eating apples.

He will outgrow us eventually.

I did, but I never forgot.

lundi, octobre 27, 2008

quoi de neuf?

1. Bacau seems to be a fun place to go hiking.

2. cycling is more fun when done in pelotons.

3. the JPY rose damn dramatically against the SGD recently. =(

4. playing monopoly amidst the current crisis is a very interesting experience.

5. i need to finish my readings. preferably before scheduled meetings with my prof.

6. empire cafe serves individual portions of or-nee!!!

samedi, octobre 25, 2008

une observation

Just realised that I log in more often to the school's online facilities booking system than ivle.

'nuf said. =P

vendredi, octobre 24, 2008

mcdo

Big mac
Chicken McNuggets
Milk Shake
Large French Fries
Egg McMuffin
Quarter Pounder

WOOTS I still remember these guys. Used to have one or two or them, but I think they got thrown away when I moved house. Do you remember them? Super retro and funky!

By the way these McDo transformers were available during 1989-1990. I must have just been about 5. How young was I only then.

Hooray for childhood! =D

jeudi, octobre 23, 2008

reli..duh

durkheim would have been so proud of this.

"Religion is the opiate of the masses" - Karl Marx.

If there is one question I get asked more than any other, it would be “Why don’t you believe in God?”. Rather than going down the popular route of trying to work out which God the inquirer is talking about, I like to respond with reasons why I don’t believe in any god. To be an atheist, you don’t just have to disbelieve the existence of one god; you have to disbelieve in all of them.

By far the most persuasive reason I disbelieve in gods is the sheer lack of evidence for them in the first place. A theist might argue that all of existence is evidence enough for god, but the problem with this conclusion is that it does not explain the god. In fact, it makes things even more confusing, because it invokes a “supreme” being that in most religions is all-knowing and all-powerful. Such a being is so infinitely complex that the only way you can possibly explain its own existence is by claiming it was “always there”. Not only does this argument rely on speculation and blind faith, but you can easily turn it around and argue that the universe - in some form - was always there. Indeed, the same line of argument is used with Intelligent Design, and the same problem is reached; you simply cannot explain or give evidence for the “designer”. All things considered, it would probably be far easier for me to believe in flying unicorns than to suppose an infinitely complex being.

Another problem I find with the whole “god” idea is the contradictory nature of religion. It’s not just that there are several hundred religions all claiming to be the truth, or that all of them contradict each other in some way, but that even each religion is internally inconsistent. Evangelicals like to claim that the Bible is supported by science, but it is simply not. The Bible has stayed roughly the same for generations; science has not. When a new scientific discovery threatens the “infallibility” of the Bible, one of two things can occur; either believers change the way they interpret passages so that the inconsistency is effectively removed, or they reject the entire scientific idea. Not all believers choose to do the same thing of course. This whole process of constantly updating religious texts to comply with science begs the ultimate question: If a god did exist, and these texts are supposedly its word, why was it so wrong in the first place? Or have we really risen to such a high level that we are out-thinking an all-knowing god? =P

The next thing which irks me is the unquestioning nature and pre-requisite of blind faith in the belief of god. It is just so amazing how seemingly rational and powerful people are still at their mother's knees when it comes to the topic of religion. Its like for some reason, their faculties for religion never really developed after the rest of their brains had took off. Using faith as a euphemism for ignorance is just irresponsible of religion, and puts religious followers in a compromising position. We often see the manipulative nature of religion precisely taking advantage of this complete trust and consequently the harm which it can wreak on the gullible and the innocent. Do the 9/11 terrorists, the Crusades and the Aum Shin Rikyo cult ring a bell? On the other hand, why is faith so hyped up by religious believers as the crucible of one's religiosity? If so, why pray only as a last resort; one should just pray instead of studying/training/working! And spare me the "God helps those who help themselves" crap.

Finally, I see no logical reason for life to exist after death; a concept most religions like to advertise. Science tells us we really are just a bunch of atoms, and that even our consciousness can be explained with natural processes. I have no problem with that; I find it quite a humble view. In retrospect, I think our self-awareness is the cause of our fear, and subsequent fixation with death. Problems arise when one attempts to imagine what it is like not to think; it’s impossible to do by the very nature of thinking. So which is it? Was an afterlife created for us so we can live on, or did we create an afterlife to cope with our fears of death?

-

Thanks to thejx for the prodding. Felt that I had been procrastinating on this for far too long. Too much work, too much tennis, and too little beer. Maybe I'll write something more positive sometime, like 'Why I am an Atheist' or something. =]

mercredi, octobre 22, 2008

calm before the storm

The uninspiring stillness
and whispering silence,
of that lack-lustre facade
threatened, to stop your heart.

So you thought,
this calm on me wrought,
like incessant drops of water,
an old Chinese torture.

But raging storms
do rock your boat;
no pretty rhymes,
no monotony.

That proved too much
for your weakened heart,
accustomed to silence,
threatens to fail.

mardi, octobre 21, 2008

net play

Its my fault! I know!!! MY fault!!!

What fault?

Double fault.. =P
nadal. i wish i had his guns

Heh been enjoying quite a bit of a tennis revival recently; actually its more of a mania than anything. Last week I played 6 days consecutively. On the 7th day I went to the gym instead.

I blame Shi Chuan for introducing TFN to me. Its so easy to find people who want to play, at all locations and at all hours that I am beginning to feel like a prostitute pimping myself on the message board.

"I have the urge to play tomorrow. Are you free?", was the first message sent to me, barely half an hour after I had signed up as a member.

Anyway glad to have signed up, cos for the past 2 weeks I have met so many good mates like Woonz, Krissie (=P) and Elvin. I guess part of the addiction is in wanting to meet up with you guys! =)

-

I realise that I have no photos of me playing tennis. Or holding a racket. Or just posing. Whatever. I am such a noob at the sport. And narcissist also.

-

Finally got a new stick, a 2nd hand APDC, Nadal's very own weapon of choice. Woots. Whacked a bit with it today and the power is just awesome. So awesome that my balls kept launching themselves into lunar orbit. Blah. Looks like I need a higher tension for my strings. Queensway this weekend, anyone?

mardi, octobre 14, 2008

fine city

Bus driver fined $200 for sleeping on park bench. Read about it here.

No wonder Singapore is so notorious for being such a draconian city.

What bullshit laws. Oh wait. There were no such laws in the first place! Nothing indicating that sleeping on park benches would be a criminal act, just a disclaimer that the 'Dos' and 'Don'ts' list was not exhaustive.

So it looks like our ruling regime is still using our ignorance to stay high-handed: rules and regulations are deliberately left to open interpretation so that people will not dare to try new things for fear of punishment.

@#$%$#^%$-
ment incroyable et insupportable!

Anyway isn't this 'law' just plain dumb? I wonder what the park rangers were thinking when they fined the poor bus driver. Didn't they feel stupid by accusing him of 'abusing the park bench'? I so want to head-butt those rangers.

And I don't even want to think about what other bizzare crimes one is capable of committing here in Singapore.

In related news, the Chees were sued for almost SGD1million for, well you guessed it, defamation suits against the Lees today.

Grah. La vie à Singapour, des amendes partout.

dimanche, octobre 12, 2008

dislikes

1. rain
2. waking up in the morning
3. fingernails on chalkboard.. ouch.
4. lack of individuality
5. flu bug, or any bug which makes me ill
6. China
7. indifference
8. dishonesty
9. unquestioning gullibility
10. feeling left out of the loop
11. judgemental people
12. last minute cancellations
13. mozzies and roaches
14. being alone
15. did i already mention rain?

mercredi, octobre 08, 2008

la chine merdique

the cheek of them..

after
the melamine milk cover up,
the Internet censorship during the Olympics,
Tibet,
the Tiananmen incident,
Falun Gong,
the Cultural Revolution

to suggest that the Nobel Peace Prize should not go to a certain Chinese human rights activist.

like, seriously, WTF.

j'en ai marre de ce putain de pays. argh.

vendredi, octobre 03, 2008

encore en france

Je n'avais pas su, mais en fait, j'étais toujours en France.

J'avais quitté l'Hexagone, tombé sur un petit point rouge; un carrefour international, une flamme brulant, une nuit tout noir, le brise de printemps, n'importe quoi.

"Laisser tomber", tu m'avais dit.

La persistance admirable. La façade impitoyable.

Le weekend déjà. Mais quoi d'autre à faire?

mardi, septembre 30, 2008

the man who can't be moved

has finally moved on. Joseph Benjamin Jeyaretnam, or more affectionately known as JBJ, has finally moved on to a better place where he (hopefully) can no longer be sued, disbarred, nor bankrupted anymore.

wow, how time flies; i still remember buying books from him at Centrepoint, where he used to peddle his books to try to move out of bankruptcy. i still remember how he used to be at the same spot, from day till night, week after week, just so that he could raise the money. to live to fight another day.

how ironic that, just 4 months after being discharged and setting up a new party, he is still unable to contest in the next election. well, good intentions does not mean that always mean that you will succeed.

at least he died giving it his all, fighting the good fight when most of us would have just given up, battling for his beliefs and playing the hatchet man for rest of us.

05011926 - 30092008. RIP.

vendredi, septembre 26, 2008

i think..

I should stop second guessing.
I should stop having expectations.
I should stop feeling disappointed.
I should know better by now.

I should be studying.

Racontez-moi
Quel est ce lien qui me tient vivant dans ce monde
Rassurez-moi
Si les douleurs nous rendaient des meilleurs

lundi, septembre 22, 2008

1800-call-a-dwarf

Dang anyone has the contact number for Snow White and her seven slaves?

I need midgets to work in my wind tunnel; I'm 68cm too tall for it! So much crawling and squatting and carrying and 1001 other miscellaneous chores.. Madness. No wonder my FYP is only restricted to males: too much physical work!

And I think I'm spending too much time physically inside the tunnel instead of taking meaningful, contributing-to-my-thesis readings.

Bah.

samedi, septembre 20, 2008

weather forecast

Showers with thunder and lightning over most parts of the island in the early morning and afternoon. Temperature to range between 25°C and 34°C.

I wonder why we have a local weather report; what, did you expect it to snow tomorrow? Goodness, the above forecast is accurate for almost 300 out of the 365 days in a year, with the remaining 65 days devoted to just rain, rain and more rain.

Anyway the recent stretch of sunny weather makes me want to head to the beach, but unfortunately most Singaporean girls just want to be fair and white, so I can't find anyone to go with.

Anybody wants to get a nice tan? Call me! =P

Grahz.

mercredi, septembre 17, 2008

gold

For those who do not yet know, Singaporean Paralympian Yip Pin Xiu won our first Paralympics Gold in the 50m backstroke on Monday, smashing the world and Paralympic records along the way. Yaay. It must have been amazing to hear the Majulah Singapura being played at the Water Cube (or at any other Olympic/Paralympic games) for the first time. History in the making.

Pity then, that unlike the Olympics, the Paralympics did not have live coverage on television. Not even when we had a national swimmer in the finals.

Nevermind that, it didn't even make it to the 1opm news; Pin Xiu's against-all-odds victory was reduced to just a mere blurb on the ticker tape on CNA.

And unlike the SGD1million promised to all athletes who obtain an Olympic Gold, Paralympians only stand to gain 10% of what able-bodied athletes can earn.

Which is sad, since a Gold is a Gold and ceteris paribus, I would think that the physically challenged athletes would have to overcome more obstacles to even make it to the starting blocks.

Pin Xiu might not even be able to make it to London in 2012 to defend her title because she suffers from muscular dystrophy.

Nevertheless, let us bask in the moment and rally behind all our Singaporean athletes. They'll be back tomorrow (18 Sep) at Changi T3 on SQ805. I'll be there. Will you?

the great disappearing act

Lehman and Merrill and AIG.

Amongst them, almost 1.7 trillion USD was lost overnight. Vanished. Gone. Kaput.

Amazing how so much money can be lost, just.like.that, at the snap of a finger, in the blink of an eye. No apparent warning signs and one after another in quick succession. Gosh even the weather reporter can do better! Are our financial markets so weak? Is global financial meltdown that easy to achieve?

On the other hand, oil prices have been falling steadily for the past few weeks now and it means a slightly fatter wallet for me now as it costs less to fill up.

But its difficult to ignore the signs of impending doom. The full impact of the fallout on the global economy, job market, etc., is yet to be known, and with the US market still looking so volatile, its difficult to say what will happen next. I plowed through the details looking for the silver lining, but I found nothing but dark cloud.

Fasten your seatbelts; its going to be a rough ride tonight.

mardi, septembre 16, 2008

tongue tied

la tour Perret @ Parc Paul Mistral

soirée Intég 2007.. this year's edition should have been held last week

peering down the Bastille

grocery shopping with Guillaume is never easy with him always fighting for all the best bargains

Grah. Once-a-week French classes is insufficient to maintain my proficiency in the language. Déjà, je me suis senti que j'ai perdu beaucoup! Why didn't the French instead of the British colonise Singapore or something like that; I need to hear more French more often. Like quotidiennement. Make announcements in French on the mrt (call it the metro anyway), have signboards with French on it, and let's all eat baguettes instead of Gardenia!

Went out with PF the other day, then was flipping through Grenoble photos, and I thought that merde! I should be there instead of here. Bah c'est la vie.

Meanwhile I have started on my Japanese odyssey in a bid to be effectively trilingual. ひらがな and カタカナ are disgustingly difficult. I would rate Japanese 1 to French 6 or English 10 or Bahasa 20. Its impossibly impossible to memorise the various characters, much less read and construct coherent sentences with them. No wonder their culture is so introverted. Must be all the years of Japanese; no more brain juices left for socializing and making friends.

If the French wrote the rules of their language while drunk on wine, the Japanese must have constructed theirs in the middle of a hentai orgy.

大変ですね。。

lundi, septembre 15, 2008

envole-moi

- Jean-Jacques Goldman

Minuit se lève en haut des tours
Les voix se taisent et tout devient aveugle et sourd
La nuit camoufle pour quelques heures
La zone sale et les épaves et la laideur

J'ai pas choisi de naître ici
Entre l'ignorance et la violence et l'ennui
J'm'en sortirai, j'me le promets
Et s'il le faut, j'emploierai des moyens légaux

Envole-moi (3x)
Loin de cette fatalité qui colle à ma peau
Envole-moi (2x)
Remplis ma tête d'autres horizons, d'autres mots
Envole-moi

Pas de question ni rebellion
Règles du jeu fixées mais les dés sont pipés
L'hiver est glace, l'été est feu
Ici, y a jamais de saison pour être mieux

J'ai pas choisi de vivre ici
Entre la soumission, la peur ou l'abandon
J'm'en sortirai, je te le jure
A coup de livres, je franchirai tous ces murs

Envole-moi (3x)
Loin de cette fatalité qui colle à ma peau
Envole-moi (2x)
Remplis ma tête d'autres horizons, d'autres mots
Envole-moi

lundi, septembre 08, 2008

aviva singapore 70.3

So it turned out that the Nike run last week was not my last race.

The Aviva Singapore 70.3 was, yesterday.

However I participated not as an athlete, but in another capacity, as a bike course referee.

More used to swimming, biking, and running, I found the prospect of patrolling the course on a motorbike to be both relieving and weird at the same time. Heh.

Reached transition at 5 in the morning and as expected it was all wet from the thunderstorm the night before. But it did not seem to dampen any single one of the spirits of the 1000+ athletes as they cheerfully went about prepping themselves up for the race. I managed to catch up with a couple of old friends who I have not seen for a while as well, so it was good.

Went to meet up with my chauffeur for the day, Shaman, then went back to the beach to catch the pro wave start. The sun had just peeped over the horizon and it was shaping up to be a great day.

After some splashing about in the waters of East Coast, waves of triathletes began charging out of T1, looking to get started on their 3-loop, 90km bike ride across Singapore. Time to work, for both them and me!

It was a refreshing experience, both physically and mentally, to be sitting on a motorbike riding alongside the cyclists. While the physical aspect is certainly quite obvious, I found it very interesting to be participating in the race as a third-party official, to look upon the race from a very different angle.

Whilst before I had to contend with the headwinds, yesterday I had to grapple with drafting pelotons seeking solace from the headwinds together. Whilst I once had, as an athlete, to obey by the rules, I had to enforce them yesterday.

This year's bike course was interesting, with the route including both ECP and the West Coast Flyover, in a loop which spanned almost the entire east to west of Singapore. But alas as expected, coming from the Singaporean authorities, only 2 lanes of roads were allowed to be closed, even though there were many other viable traffic detours with full-road closure, which resulted in some very narrow, technical, and dangerous sections.

And of course, drafting.

I did my best at refereeing, most of the times preferring to give warnings rather than pulling out my cards. Of all the rules, drafting and littering were the ones which the most infringed upon. I also had to play the role of bike mechanic, medical liaison, as well as bike marshal as I came across athletes and volunteers who needed my help. And while I felt myself out of water at some of the roles, I did my best to offer my assistance.

Afterall, Ironman is sometimes about dealing with the unexpected.

At the end of the day, I gave out numerous warnings, but zero cards. As an athlete myself, I had been in the competitors' shoes before, and so I understood how terrible it would be for someone else to rain on my parade by giving me a card. Besides, nobody committed a foul bad enough to warrant a card. Apparently most of the people raced clean yesterday, with only one yellow being shown to a racer who drafted persistently even after being warned (given by my fellow referee team mate Alan).

So anyway headed back after most had finished the bike portion and caught the rest of the half-ironman on the sidelines watching people finish. Met up with more familiar faces before heading off for a quick KFC lunch, and then home.

All in all, a great way to spend a Sunday morning; giving back to the sport, as well as learning from one of the world's best Ironman referees, Ross McLennen. =)
one of the perks of the job

For more photos, go here.

the measure of life

sunset over kent ridge

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider expressways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgement, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. (wonder if they are all just vicious cycles)

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, watch too much TV, get up too tired, and read too little.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble saying hello to the neighbour just next door. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We study more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, possess more and more handphones, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion , big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships, of integrated resorts but segregated managements. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and which doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

And always remember:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments which take our breaths away.

jeudi, septembre 04, 2008

toi

Folle comme la neige
qui tombe à tes pieds.
Quand le soleil bronze
encore ta peau.

Et c’est par toi
que je suis comme ça.
Futilement je cherche tes yeux
dans les étoiles de la nuit.

Ton parfum me hante
quand je mets mon chemise.
Ton sourire me manque
quand tu n'es plus là.

Je sais pas déjà à quoi faire
pour que tu sois la mienne.
Et de personne plus;
que la mienne, pour l'éternité.

Toi.

Plus je t'embrasse,
plus je peux pas t'en laisser.
Comme le temps passe,
mon cœur bat sans cesser.

Je suis le fou
qui t’aime comme jamais.
Mais le fait est
que tu ne resteras pas pour toujours.

Jusqu'à le moment de finalité;
le dernier second dans tes mains.
Je t'embrasse,
comme si c'était la dernière fois.

Comme s'il sera notre dernière fois.

=(

dimanche, août 31, 2008

race report: Nike Human Race

On 31 August at 1730hrs my 2008 race season came to a close. And I have no race scheduled in the near future.

That makes me happy. =)

But back to the topic, which is about my last race for 2008, the Nike Human Race.As the name implies, today's event was about the entire human race running the same race on the same day in different geographical locations in the world. A truly global event that only a company like Nike can pull off.

So anyway the Singapore edition was supposed to start at 1615hrs, a truly runner friendly time (if the heat doesn't get to you maybe the vehicle exhaust fumes will). Headed down to City Hall and got hit immediately by a tsunami of red. Bernard still tried to be funny and told me to look out for "the guy in red" when I called him. Very funny. Managed to locate him and dsb after some walking and we headed down to the start.

At 1615hrs, the starting gun went off. At approximately 1630hrs, I finally crossed the starting line. No I exaggerate, but you get an idea of how packed the starting pen, and consequently the entire race route, was.

We ran down Shenton Way, did a little loop around Marina South, then headed towards Clarke Quay before running down the 100m along Esplanade Drive to the finish. Funny how Nike managed to mobilise the undead, the untrained, and the PES C2L9s to turn up. Coupled with the narrow roads, it was more a wayang walk and there were times when I felt as though I was at Orchard Road on Christmas' Eve rather than an athletic event.

If there was anything which Nike excelled at today, it was gender representation. =P

And that was enough to convince me to come back for more next year, if they do organise another one in 2009.

Nike Human Jam Race 10K 2008.

Just did it.

vendredi, août 29, 2008

chemical party



Hilarious video on why noble gases do not react and why Water + Potassium = Explosive reaction. All the elements look so moronic!!! Totally amazing stuff produced by the EU. =D

I so wanna work in scientific research now!

And I wanna go back to France!!!

mardi, août 26, 2008

a more open field

Does not imply a more level playing field.

Come 01 September, our dead Speakers' Corner at Hong Lim Park will be revived and given new life as a demonstrators domain.

Yes, Singaporeans will now be able to organise and participate in any demonstrations at the Speakers' Corner - except those that involve race and religion - without having to obtain a police permit. However, one is still required to register online with NParks before heading down with their angry mob and loud-hailers.

Anyway why is NParks the regulating authority? I dunno. Do they anticipate our local tree-hugging groups coming together frequently to campaign against the indiscriminate chopping down of old trees (think Braddell Road), or does JBJ need fertilisers for his bald spot? Weird.

And isn't it futile to have a rule prohibiting foreigners from participating in these protests? Hong Lim Park, being a park first and foremost, is a public space. Anyone, ranging from your expatriate angmohs to your backpacking globetrotter, can and will head to the park. Will there be passport controls at the park entrance? How do we distinguish a foreign protester from a tourist just sitting down and enjoying the cool shade of the trees?

Bizzare.

Methinks that rather than this being a gradual liberalisation or sudden magnanimity of the government, it is just a case of the inevitable. With the Internet, politicians can no longer pull sheeps' wool over the electorate. With higher education, Singaporeans are also becoming more politically savvy and capable of deciding on their own brand of political leadership. With the influx of foreigners, politics is no longer a game played solely by Singaporeans.

Society is changing. And the government knows it.

Therefore, what they are trying to do now, is to keep abreast of these changes - and making a big show out of it in the process.

Somehow methinks that just like in 2001, the Speakers' Corner will die yet another natural death, because demonstrations, just like free speech, cannot be regulated and confined to geographical boundaries. Wouldn't it be absurd to protest about the unethical treatment of the chickens at the farms at Kranji in the heart of town? Wouldn't it be puzzling to speak about the plight of foreign workers to a largely metropolitan crowd who treats them as invisible? Where would the target audience be? And why would they bother?

Somehow, methinks that Speakers Corner 2.0 will just be another token act for the Aung San Suu Kyis of Singapore; the latest example to cite to foreign journalists when they ask about our pathetic state of human rights in Singapore.

"See, have what. Welcome to our Speakers Corner, where you can burn effigies of Lee Hsien Loong, where the homosexuals can parade in pink, where Chee Soon Juan can stand there for five days and five nights. See, we have freedom what! Who say donch have?"

Indeed. Who say donch have?

samedi, août 23, 2008

lasiked

"Not everyone is an ideal candidate for LASIK surgery. LASIK may not be appropriate for certain patients; however we have an extensive range of tests to determine if you are a suitable candidate for LASIK." - brochure from LSC.

For once, I was glad with just being average.

Went to LSC in the morning and went for the LASIK suitablility checkup, and was back again in the for my surgery. Yep, it was that quick. I felt like a lamb being herded around at an abattoir. And I had to pay $2500 to be butchered!

At least the eye candy was good.

So anyway the entire procedure was fast, fuss-free and painless (somewhat). The most uncomfortable feeling of the evening was from the suction cup sucking on my eyeball, and not from the laser zapping away at my corneas.

Burnt corneas smell like bak kwa. Not nice, but a necessary evil if you want to see better.

It was all over in 10 minutes. Forget the part about the procedure being painless. The surgical tape used to hold my eyelids in position adhered very nicely and tightly to my face and peeling them off was mega ouch! Think they plucked off some eyebrow hair as well. And unfortunately there was no mishap with the laser and all I can look forward to now is normal 6/6 visual acuity; no misfiring/mis-calibration of the laser/exposure to krptonite and therefore no x-ray vision/nightvision/superhuman powers. Unless you consider increased light sensitivity a superpower, then yes, I was an accidental mutant for a day.

So anyway I went home tearing and wearing the humongous eye shields provided by the clinic. It made me look like a giant wingless insect and not surprisingly people stared. Ironically, it was the aforementioned surgery which enabled me to see their puzzled stares more clearly. Oh well at least the taxi stand was not far away and soon I was back to my dark cocoon at home which provided my zapped eyes some rest and my embarrassed soul, some respite.

Woke up today with my eyes already feeling much better. Went for my first review and the doc said that I have 6/7.5 vision with some astigmatism still lingering about in my left eye. Hmm not bad considering that I have been wearing wearing optical aids for like the past 18 years of my life.

As with any surgery, post-op care is crucial to the overall success of the operation so I'll be going under the radar for the next few weeks. No swimming, biking, running, clubbing but I'll be back soon.

And yes, then I'll be able to spot you amongst the crowd! =D
at the casting call for The Fly

mercredi, août 20, 2008

foreign err.. talent?

Stepped into the lift in my faculty today, and along with me came in 3 PRCs. Boy did I feel like I was doing a second SEP, this time in China!

Now don't get me wrong. I am pretty vocal about this whole issue of foreign talent, and most of the time I do get misunderstood as being racist or nationalist. But wait, hear me out: my issue with foreign talent is with our loose identification of talent, and not with the talents themselves.

Take for example, our national ladies ping pong team. I am sure by now the entire issue of the China vs Singapore (or China vs pseudo-China if you choose to look at it though another angle) match has been flogged to death. I shall refrain from adding my views into the mayhem, but I must say that I was very proud of our girls' victory.
Feng Tianwei leading us to the Silver medal

Before you guys shoot me for jumping ship, let me elaborate:

Were they really talented? Yes.
Did we have any better option (read: Singaporeans) to offer at that point in time? No.
Will the Olympic medal have an impact on Singapore? Possibly, it might change Singaporeans' mindset of sports as a leisure pastime, and start a sporting revolution.

Voilà. In this case where Singapore, as a small and relatively young nation, does not have the necessary resources or talent pool to compete meaningfully on the international arena, foreign talent is necessary to bring us up to that level in the short term. In the long term, it is hoped that there will be "technology transfer" from the foreigners to us locals, and that we will be able to stand on our own two feet then. For many countries, such wholesale import of foreign talent is often used in order to quickly bring local athletes up to pace.

Therefore, the idea of bringing in foreign talent inherently is a good thing.

Slippery slope
However, what happens if the talent does not turn out to be that talented afterall? Or what if we relax our criteria of what it takes to be a talent, and extend our arms to every Tom, Dick, and Harry (and also Ah Mao and Ah Gou)?

If we have the spare capacity, fine. But if we continue to take in these people at the expense of our own people's welfare and chances, we will only get anarchy.

Remember the saga of the failed imports Du Xianhui and Zhang Guirong? Feel the segregation between local and foreign students (like I do) at your university? Feel threatened that your favourite prata stall may be taken over by some Chinese eatery?

Citizenship is a marvellous thing. It can unite, yet it can divide. It makes people resort to underhand means to obtain it; it can even make people die because of it. So let's not cheapen our citizenship. If we expect loyalty and sacrifice from our fellow countrymen, it is only natural that we enforce strict regulations on those wishing to come in.

As one reporter who put it succinctly on the papers the other day (but in another context), "The fourth placed athlete, i.e. the best loser, does not get to stand on the podium". Similarly, we should only allow the very best to come in, to contribute to our progress and prosperity. Sure, continue to woo global talent, but we should also seek to improve ourselves, our locals, so that one day, it will be the foreigners who woo us, who want to emigrate to Singapore, who, in spite of our Singaporean First policy, want to buy into the Singaporean Dream.

Singaporeans First
For each foreigner accepted into Singapore, it must be proven/justified that he/she fills a niche role in the labour market and there is no Singaporean who can perform this job at a similar wage/expertise. If there is, the Singaporean should be given priority. This is a right, and not a privilege. It is a right of every Singaporean who has gone through NS, who pays his taxes, and who contributes to the falling birth rate. It is precisely why we defend this land; because it is only in this tiny red dot that we are favoured over others as its prodigal sons and daughters.

Therefore, we have to tighten the mechanisms of talent identification here in Singapore, and make sure that we attract only the right kind of talent at the right level. Not your third-world-cheap-labour kind of white collar talent. Neither your wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am stepping stone scholar. There are many other Singaporeans with similar abilities and the right hearts just waiting for these opportunities, so why are we indirectly discriminating against our own?

The problem is real, the crisis is imminent, and we have to do something about it now. Because it is the only thing we owe ourselves and our children. Because we cannot turn a blind eye to it anymore.

Because if Singapore doesn't do it for us, no one else will.

mardi, août 19, 2008

delf dalf duh

Been down with a throat infection since Saturday. Bleah. =(

Anyway went down with Jax to Alliance Française yesterday to sign up for the Delf B2 examination. Good to be certified before I forget everything, I feel. So we went down during lunchtime, and all the way I was the more committed and determined one, being sure of what courses and examinations I wanted to sign up for.

Then the French always love to throw in a stale baguette at the last moment.

Spoke to a French professor there and he advised me to sit for the Dalf C1 instead. Thing is, I may converse well, but I do not feel that confident about my proficiency in the language, and especially not when it has to come down to a test. Bleah, I can never perform well under pressure. =(

Deliberated on my choices, and then just as I was about to decide on B2, the nice receptionist informed me that they had changed the prep classes from Wednesdays to Fridays.

@!#$#$#! Why couldn't she have told me earlier? The French really love to do this, don't they?

In the end I could not commit to a class/exam because I was unsure of my coming semester's timetable so while Jax happily signed up for her courses, I will have to go back another day.

Dang.

In other news I am thinking of getting Lasik-ed since that I am now on a sabbatical from triathlon. So, might as well get all my body parts fixed and serviced right? Anyone with any recommendations for Lasik clinics? =P

dimanche, août 17, 2008

ironman zurich 2008: race report

Gosh its already more than a month after the race and I have just finished this post! Just tells you how lazy (and busy) I am now.. =P

But anyway let's get started with a little warm-up:

Preamble
If you dig deep down inside the human psyche - if you strip away the body, the bones and all physical semblance of being - if you delve beyond the mind and intellect and throw away the loose sands of knowledge and experience – all that remains of us is desire.

We are desire.

Amidst the scraps of all the rest, there is nothing but that glowing ember of desire that drives us forward. We challenge ourselves further, we drive ourselves deeper and, in turn, the ember burns hotter. What we do with that ember is up to us; either stoke the flames or douse it, the decision is our own.

When we increase our struggles, the decisions on how to handle desire become more fragile and more tentative. As we challenge the limitations of our physical being, we find ourselves balancing precariously on that ember, teetering on the edge between accomplishment and failure.

It comes as no surprise that the challenge of Ironman racing far exceeds our physical capabilities; it is fueled by nothing more than that ember and the decisions we make to support it.

Let’s face the facts, the human body was not designed to travel that distance in that manner. There has never been any study anywhere at any time that has claimed Ironman distance racing is good for the human body. It’s not. Us Ironman racers, we subject our bodies to some of the most absurd conditions. And for what? A t-shirt? A finisher’s medal? Or is it that increasingly remote feeling of accomplishment that we try so desperately to harness. Like a strung-out junkie, we push harder and deeper to relive that moment we call “success”.

We race Ironman to feel good.

We pay to compete because we believe the pain will make us feel good; it will make us feel like we’ve done something with our lives. The pain will prove that we have grown. The pain will stoke our ember of desire. The pain will set us free.

At the 2008 Ironman Zurich, there was pain. In a couple of minutes I’m going to tell you what that race was like and hopefully I can effectively relate how horrendously nonsensical it was. More importantly, hopefully I can do that in a manner that doesn’t get you bored. Yes, it is going to be long, so enough of this warm-up..

Pre Race
The advantage of living and racing in Europe is that train travel is really bike-friendly. No airport hassles and no problems with getting your bike back into how it was before you took it apart and put it in the bike box.

Didn't even feel that I was going overseas for a race, but nevermind that. =)

So anyway there was nothing that happened out of the ordinary before the race to get me overtly nervous or stressed. Sure there were some fears of leg pain, of getting sick, of the unknown, of all the usual pre-race gobbledy-gook. But there was nothing really dramatic to get me worked up except, maybe, the weather.

Just my luck, Ironman Sunday was forecasted to be a rainy one. Looking back, I thought it was crazily audacious how the sunny weather during the week could transform overnight to become a soaking wet weekend. Boy was I wrong. The rain, and correspondingly, the temperature started to come down on Friday at the athletes' welcome dinner, and it continued all the way like that until the prize presentation brunch on Monday.

Checked in my bike on a very miserable Saturday afternoon and it was not really the best morale booster to leave your bike out overnight in a thunderstorm before a race, but I had no choice.

Race day
Morning activities were pretty uneventful: cold trek to Landiwiese, the race area, followed by dumping all my barang-barang into one huge garbage bag to keep the rain out. Nobody wanted their stuff to get wet and I was no exception. The transition area, although full of activity, was a relatively quiet affair as everybody struggled to keep warm (and sane) in the rain. One last look at the still plastic-covered bike, and I went along with the rest to the swim start like neoprened cattle being herded to slaughter.

Swim
The day's challenges:
* Cold
* Kicking, fighting, pushing, shoving, biting, punching, smacking
* A dramatic inability to move in a straight line

The Ironman Zurich swim start is a mass start, which means that it is a thinly disguised excuse to mix WWE, Sea World, and the racial riots of 1965 in one sporting event. What happens is that 2,222 people dressed like seals float around in the water for a few minutes watching the morning calm and then, at the blast of a canon – KA-BLAM!! – they all start punching and kicking, crawling and clawing, shoving and biting. In triathlon lingo, that is called a “swim”.

But wait, I digress.

Knowing what I lousy swimmer I am, I entered the water only about 5 minutes to race start. Even then, I soon found myself surrounded by lots of other competitors. 2,222 athletes is simply too much for Lake Zurich. I was still trying to acclimatize myself to my new underwater environment when:

KA-BOOOOOOOOOOM, the starting gun went off.

Even there, on my second time around, the start of an Ironman is somewhat surreal. The starting gun is not merely an indicator to go, it is a symbol of the journey ahead. It is a distinct line that separates before from after; it marks the space between training and racing. It is a split second in time in which your entire history, your months of training, your heartache, sacrifice and drive, all fuse like a sub-atomic reaction, catapulting you forward with a blast of energy right smack into your destiny.

They say that Ironman is the intersection between your greatest fears and your wildest dreams - that’s what happens at the starting gun.

With the sound of the blast still ringing in my ears, I desperately tried to let go of my wacked-out philosophies on athletic firearms, put my head in the water and began moving forward. Or backward, relative to the other swimmers who were now flying by me, pummelling and swimming over me as they went by. What a frustratingly violent and slow swim for me, as I tried to hang on to some draft and avoid getting kicked in the head at the same time. Eventually I managed to draft a breast-stroker and we made it though together for the first loop.

No such luck on the second loop as I found myself swimming all alone in no man's land. Swimming being my worst discipline, I found it quite unnerving that I was all alone in the mighty Lake Zurich. Left arm, right arm, breathe, repeat; it's going to end, I told myself. The swim has to end, right? Five minutes went by. Then ten. Then thirty. But the end was nowhere in sight. I began to tire. I didn't care about my swim time anymore, all I wanted was to get out of the water! Left arm, right arm, breathe, repeat.

Somebody. Please.. Make the bad man stop.

Then soon I looked up and saw the finish sign. The last 45 minutes didn't feel that bad after all! I tried to push to the finish but eventually I fizzled out and barely clambered out of the water in 1:37.

I jogged (or at least tried to with my tofu legs) into T1 and headed towards my two garbage bags. Peeled off the wetsuit, ate a gel, found and put on my arm warmers and two jerseys, put on my shoes, donned my helmet, and "unsheathed" my bike. I took a deep breath and a long exhale.

Time to go.

BIKE
The day’s challenges:
* Rain
* Cold
* Mechanical problems
* A never ending desire to give up

The premise for the Ironman bike loop is relatively simple: 2 loops encircling the northern part of Lake Zurich, passing two major climbs - the Beast and Heartbreak Hill - on each loop in the process. I had already done a lap of the course on Thursday so I knew what to expect.

What I did not factor in though, was the cold. Apparently it was 13°C at the start of the bike leg and the sight of many multi-layered and wrapped up triathletes was a testimony to the ridiculously low temperature. In any case, the bike was supposed to be one of my stronger points and so I just put my head down and hammered away. Luckily the first part of the course was all flat and I managed to overtake quite a fair bit of the faster-swimmers-but-slow-bikers. Sweet.

It was all going according to plan when horror struck. I was going up a gentle slope when I began to lose power. Apparently I was still pedalling but somehow my crank was just not pulling my rear cog along. Got off the bike to check and to my horror I realised that my crank came loose from the bike frame and hence I was just essentially pedalling nothing. Merde. I tried signalling for help and the first people to pass by and respond was one of the film crew teams. As it turned out, they were more interested in filming my unfortunate experience rather than helping me get technical assistance. Grah. In the meantime hundreds of athletes must have passed me by wondering wtf why was this person freaking out in the rain.

Standing in the rain was a huge reality check. While I was just cursing my bad luck before, it now dawned on me that I might not be able to even finish the race if the technical assistance people were not able to fix my bike. And a loose crankset is not something that common and easy to fix during a race.

Eventually the mechanics arrived after a good half hour (there was only one van for the entire course) and fortunately enough they had the tools to put my crank back in place. What they did not have, unfortunately, was a human defroster, for I was totally frozen by then. Restarting the bike leg was a painful experience with the windchill but at least I was happy to be on the road again.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

There I was, a lone figure struggling in the rain trying to go fast yet keep warm, with a sore lower back from climbing the Beast and wondering all the time at the back of my mind when will my crank give way again. That fucking sucked.

I was in pain and I was suffering.

The ride after this was pretty uneventful except for another time where my chain dropped off just at the foot Heartbreak Hill and I fell down. Damn malu-ating as there were a lot of spectators at that point but at least this time help came promptly enough and a road marshal even gave me a push start! With that, I scrambled up the hill one last time and flew back down to T2.

Bike time: 6:59 (heng just short of 7 hours -_-|||)

Pushed my bike back into my allotted rack, where the whole row was obviously already full of bikes. I looked at my watch, and I realised that I would have to run a 4 hour marathon in order to hit my target of sub-13 hours. Rummaged around for my shoes, put on my cap, and headed out. My warm-up had taken long enough; it was time to unleash the beast.

RUN
The day’s challenges:
* Humidity
* Knee pain
* Viral infection on right toe
* Ouch

It doesn't take a genius to calculate that with 4 laps to run and 4 hours to spare, I would have to run each lap in a maximum of 1 hour. With that in mind, I set about pounding the pavement with a renewed sense of mission.

From the moment I stepped out of T2, I resolved to keep running. Despite the pain or any other obstacles, I promised myself that I would run the entire race. Sure, I would walk at the aid stations, but there was to be no walking in-between. I was committed to keep moving forward.

But just because you're moving forward doesn't mean that it feels good.

My right knee, the main victim of my crash while coming down Beauvoir 3 months ago, began to protest at the stress which it was being put under. Not to be outdone, the viral infection on my right toe also began hurting as well due to water seepage in my shoes. My thighs were also tired after most of the day's proceedings.

At this point in time, most people would have been about 8-9 hours into the race. If you ask me, 9 hours is a quite a long time to be on the move. And yet, I still had a marathon to run.

As I continued through the run course, my struggles increased. It felt demotivating that everyone else had at least a scrungee on their wrists, and my legs felt increasingly like lead. I tried to focus on little goals. Break down the distances; run to the next aid station. But I couldn't help but think about the long road ahead of me. I felt overwhelmed by the power of Ironman. I struggled to keep running.

The first loop was horrendous. Although I ran the entire way, I slowed down to a walk at every aid station. And my blisters were killing me. At this rate, I would not be able to hit 4 hours! I began to despair; I was uncertain of my capabilities. So many things had gone wrong during the day, could it get any worse?

When you’re already spiralling down a hole, there is a vulture of frustration that circles the mind and wears down the soul. Each negative thought gives birth to another, until you are caught in an endless spiral of decay.

The trick is to fight the vultures. No matter how deep you fall into the darkness, your only hope is to focus on the light. You must continually struggle to climb and claw your way to survive. You must focus on the goal.

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
I suffered.

As the run progressed, the distance began to dull my pain. I dug deep and found the will to keep one feet continually in front of the other. I began to be aware of my surroundings - the other athletes, the spectators, the volunteers - and that seemed to give me an invisible source of energy.

There is something mysterious about that ember of desire. Just when you think the flame has died, something ignites a spark. It may be remote, it may not even create a fire, but it gives light - and hope. And somehow it keeps you moving forward.

Halfway through the marathon at Ironman Zurich, it all started making sense to me. This pain, this suffering, this constant battle to keep moving forward… THIS is Ironman. This is exactly what I trained for. It is why I am here.

For the next 10 kilometres I started to push the pace a little. I knew I would make my sub-13 hour personal cut-off at the speed I was running, but I still had work to do. For the first time in the run I began to smile. I lifted my head, widened my eyes, straightened my back. I felt a surge jolt through my bones. By the time we got to the fourth loop, I felt renewed. I was reborn. It was as if my race had just begun. After 213.8km of suffering, I let go.

The final loop was the fastest loop for me. I stormed through the aid stations, surged through the uphills and then barrelled down the corresponding downhills. I was feeling good. I felt renewed and refreshed. This must what they call the athlete's "second wind". And all of a sudden, I was running down the final stretch.

It seemed to appear out of nowhere. One long dark straight road, then a left 180° turn and then.. Yes.

Yes, walls of people.
Yes, a thunder of applause and cheers.
Yes, a wave of emotions.
Yes.

Yes, it was surreal. There was clapping and there was cheering. I turned around to see, but there was nobody but me.
Yes they were cheering for me.

A tsunami of emotion flooded my body. I became high on joy and disbelief. Yes, I did it. Yes, I survived.

Yes!
I jumped in amazement.
Yes!
I screamed in disbelief.

YES! YES!!! YES!!!!

As I strode the last meters towards the finish, snapshots of the day came flashing across my brain. Yes the pain, yes the frustration, yes the struggles.

Somehow, someway, yes. I did it. Yes I did.

YES!!!

I cut the tape in 9:235, or 12:55, whichever you prefer.

Post Race
The conditions at Zurich on that day were absurd. It was 10°C when we started and 17°C when I ended. The race had a DNF rate of 20%, of which 2 other Singaporeans were unfortunately part of.

I am proud of myself to have finished. And although I tell myself that the race should be proof that I can withstand anything, I don’t yet believe me.

As humans, when we encounter life’s toughest obstacles, we strive to find meaning. We want to know why we’re better, how we’ve changed. We want to know in the end if it was all worth it. We want to know why. We want to believe that there is more than a t-shirt and a finisher’s medal. There has to be.

I found a piece of me during my struggles at Zurich. I don’t know what it means or where it fits, I don’t know if I’ll ever figure that out or even care. But deep down inside I believe – I have to – that I am a better man because of it all. And I suppose sometimes that’s all you can ask for.

After all, I am an Ironman. And that’s gotta count for something.
with the end in sight

As usual, photos of the race can be found here. =)
A short video of the day's proceedings on Youtube here, and a clip of my finish.

samedi, août 16, 2008

apologies

Grah sorry for not posting much these few weeks: vacation attachment, school, live Olympics telecast on 6 channels and various other things have really taken up much of my time! And as if its not enough, I've got my FYP and more stuff looming over the horizon! o_O..

Excuses excuses.

I'll still trying to finish up my Ironman race report, but no promises on when it will be out. I hate datelines!

Thanks for your understanding.
That's why I like you so much. =)

samedi, août 02, 2008

mon rêve

reproduced from Jax, who is such an amazing poet.

j’ai rêvé de toi
nous étions au bord de la mer
haut de la falaise
nous regardions les dinosaures qui émergeaient
qui avaient des mouvements fluides
qui cassaient la surface de l’océan
dans la nuit
nous nous sommes assis

ce matin
quand je t’ai vu
les yeux que j’aime
j’ai pensé pour un instant
que tu es la forme corporelle
de mon rêve