Damn.. Dunno why, but I feel pretty stuck in a rut these days.Everything is as good as can be, but something somehow feels weird. Is it something that I am missing out on? Or is it the multitude of matters which I have going on in my life? Nothing seems to feel right. Quite coincidentally, even the sun has taken leave and gone on vacation as well, and so the weather here is quite a reflection of my mood - gloomy.
Went for a run yesterday to try to shake things off; Ran my usual route along the river but somehow I ran quite far out and I chanced upon a 400m track (which is quite rare here) so I ended up doing a crappy track session with an equally crappy 10:30min 2.4km run. Just couldn't get the speed in the legs, and I couldn't do anything about it. So I started my lonely run back home.
Country road, take me home, to the place, I belong..
Its the long training sessions, when its just you and the long lonely road, that your mind starts to wander. You start to think about both the micro and macro issues in life. You wonder why the sky is blue, and what would happen if you were God. You run fictional conversations/situations in your head, and wonder if things could have turned out differently. Or as Jeanette said, you become over-analytical and a little off-kilter as well.
Maybe that is why I am so weird. Maybe that's why I feel so weird now. Maybe its just me. Jeremy. All alone in some corner of the world. Not caring, not feeling, not loving, not hating, not existing.
Rien.
Sometimes I feel so lonely, but somehow it feels so good as well.
Why do I keep running away from things which I can't run away from? =(
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